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I am making this public because I want everyone who reads this to… - "Why???" [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Panel of Experts

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[Oct. 21st, 2005|10:30 pm]
Panel of Experts


I am making this public because I want everyone who reads this to know where I'm coming from in creating this community

I was actually thinking of one of making one of the guidelines "Everyone has the right to attack any aspect of Eric's life and being" and solicit that massive assault upon myself.

Why? Because I really feel that I'm ready to own my shit. All the messed up things that I've thought about, done, experienced, witnessed or been any way affected by.

I'm ready to do the absolute best I can to not react defensively to things that I feel an emotional reaction to. I'm ready to not indulge the vampiric urges to force my advice on people, instead giving it only with their consent or request. (although I figure that most anything we post about ourselves on this community is asking for friendly and constructively-critical advice)

I'm ready to not be hurt when people use the things that I've revealed to them in an effort to communicate understanding against me.

I'm ready to admit the problems which I have with dealing with other people. How my issues with men relate to my father, how my issues with women relate to my mother, how i lash out with intense negativity, how i impose myself on people and steal their energy.

Yes, I'm still a fucked up human being. No matter how far we get in these healing efforts, living in this society, we will all still be fucked up human beings, asthat's the nature of the beast.

But I'm ready to do the best I can to take responsibility for all that i've been and all that I am. If I forget that, remind me that I wrote this.

With that being said, if any of you find the need to express negative feelings towards me, go for it, please. Tell me that you hate me and all the bastards like me. Tell me that you know what's best for me in my life. Tell me how disgusting you find me. Tell me how I remind me of your father and all that you hate about him.

But know that i will not hold you against it personally and that i will try to respond in a way that makes you feel the love, and makes you understand the dark place inside of you where that negativity looms.

I love you all,

[User Picture]From: ambrosialvision
2005-10-22 05:02 am (UTC)
Geeze, I over go over the word limit with you lately. Here's the rest:

But please keep in mind that the things I've said were not meant to hurt you, they're meant to help you (even if they hurt in the process, I do have a scorpio ascendant, after all). I genuinely would love to help you, and I think that the female imput (especially coming from where I've been) could be very valuable to you.

There's a lot of "maleness" (in terms of societally-constructed linguistic structure and symbolism) in what you and Andrej do, and I do think it lacks the touch of feminitity in so far as it's rational, it's cold, it's distant. It's what I take issue with in the whole "Panel of Experts" thing. But people are still people, and still need to be treated with comfort, understanding and appreciation; the softer things that the female aspect tends to personify.

I'm curious though...what makes you think that I want to own Matt; to have him all for myself?
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