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Panel of Experts

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[Oct. 21st, 2005|10:30 pm]
Panel of Experts


I am making this public because I want everyone who reads this to know where I'm coming from in creating this community

I was actually thinking of one of making one of the guidelines "Everyone has the right to attack any aspect of Eric's life and being" and solicit that massive assault upon myself.

Why? Because I really feel that I'm ready to own my shit. All the messed up things that I've thought about, done, experienced, witnessed or been any way affected by.

I'm ready to do the absolute best I can to not react defensively to things that I feel an emotional reaction to. I'm ready to not indulge the vampiric urges to force my advice on people, instead giving it only with their consent or request. (although I figure that most anything we post about ourselves on this community is asking for friendly and constructively-critical advice)

I'm ready to not be hurt when people use the things that I've revealed to them in an effort to communicate understanding against me.

I'm ready to admit the problems which I have with dealing with other people. How my issues with men relate to my father, how my issues with women relate to my mother, how i lash out with intense negativity, how i impose myself on people and steal their energy.

Yes, I'm still a fucked up human being. No matter how far we get in these healing efforts, living in this society, we will all still be fucked up human beings, asthat's the nature of the beast.

But I'm ready to do the best I can to take responsibility for all that i've been and all that I am. If I forget that, remind me that I wrote this.

With that being said, if any of you find the need to express negative feelings towards me, go for it, please. Tell me that you hate me and all the bastards like me. Tell me that you know what's best for me in my life. Tell me how disgusting you find me. Tell me how I remind me of your father and all that you hate about him.

But know that i will not hold you against it personally and that i will try to respond in a way that makes you feel the love, and makes you understand the dark place inside of you where that negativity looms.

I love you all,

[User Picture]From: ambrosialvision
2005-10-22 05:05 am (UTC)
Oh, and:

I'm glad to feel that you now have some more understanding of the path i'm on and what point on it i'm at.

I don't, and I know that I don't. I barely know you. It's been a great experience to get to know you, especially on the few instances that I've seen you in person, but I know that I know very little about you.

What I know comes from outside sources, and so is inately biased (though not usually in Matt's case, he's pretty cut and dry about things).

You're free to tell me whatever you want me to know. What do you believe I need to know in order to know you, Eric?
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[User Picture]From: meshaselimovic
2005-10-23 01:44 am (UTC)
Nikki, adding you.
Andrej here.
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[User Picture]From: gvisreality
2005-10-23 03:18 am (UTC)
Yesssss...there's a woman who's a part of this panel of experts community.

woo hoo!
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[User Picture]From: meshaselimovic
2005-10-23 01:48 am (UTC)
"There's a lot of "maleness" (in terms of societally-constructed linguistic structure and symbolism) in what you and Andrej do, and I do think it lacks the touch of feminitity in so far as it's rational, it's cold, it's distant. It's what I take issue with in the whole "Panel of Experts" thing."

Do explain. I'm interested.
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[User Picture]From: gvisreality
2005-10-23 07:12 pm (UTC)
Andrej, as I said to Nikki, this sort of indepth and character related discussion is for the members only section of the community. Since you are a not a member, your replies are screened by default.

Please join the group and put it in a post marked 'friends only' if you want to continue this discussion.
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[User Picture]From: gvisreality
2005-10-23 07:10 pm (UTC)
Nikki, please do not talk about individual LJ people by name in the public posts in this forum.
If you want to discuss these issues, please do so in a new post.
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